Let's continue with the theme of Love... My cousin Sarah suggested that I read this book. I took her up on that and have been reading it at night before I go to bed. Learning how God designed a woman's heart is something that everyone should know.( Not just women) Most women deny themselves the right to want romance and "girlie" things. But, that is how we were designed. We want someone to pursue us and to find us beautiful. Unfortunately, we tend to not think of ourselves as beautiful, so then... why should anyone else? I apologize when I act like a woman, when I need certain acknowledgements, when I want someone to really see me. That is not how God designed us. Well, I am still near the beginning of the book so there isn't too much to tell right now expect that I really like what I am reading. I highly suggest it. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. John also wrote Wild at Heart, which is about a mans heart. That is the next book that I will be reading. Well, I just wanted to put this on quick. I will write more about it soon. God bless you all.

You are that distant star
that grabs my attention
when searching
the vast night sky

Shining brighter than most
and farther than my reach
yet I can feel you
touch my soul

My wish tonight is that
someday we'll be together
weary traveler and the star
that guides her

Should you happen to fall
I will sweep you up
and forever hang you
in my heart

- Angela Lane 2004

Love. Love. Love. Our hearts were made to express this tiny word with all that we have. It should know no boundaries. Have no other desire than to be. Love between mother and child. Love between man and woman. Love for a friend. Love for a stranger. Love for Jesus Christ. Love for the Almighty God. Love. I want it all. I want Love to saturate my everything. I want it to be visible in all that I do. No limits, no exceptions. With all that we lose in a lifetime, think of all that we gain in one expression of love.

Lord, give me a heart of flesh. Take the parts of my heart that are still like stone and make them soft. Make them like that of your son. Give me the courage to give fully and without hesitation. Bring me closer to you. I give you my life, Lord. Lead me to be an example of your grace and love. To you there are no words to express my love. No song, nothing that could come close to what I feel when you are with me. True love and contentment. I am in love. I give you my all. My heart overflows with the Holy Spirit and I am in awe. Tears. Love. I am whole with you. Without you I am lost. Forever in your hands.

" I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardner. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me"
John 15:1-4

I prayed a lot while I was reading these verses. I have been reading John for awhile now, trying to really understand the teachings of Jesus. This particular one keeps coming back to me. When you look at your life as snapshots you can start to piece together how this teaching is so relevant to us today. Without Christ as our vine, we are just empty branches that are tossed aside. When you let go of everything except Christ and you cling to that vine ... you will see the increase of fruit in your life. When we allow Him to prune us, to discipline us, we become even more fruitful. He takes care of us. He loves us. The reference to God as a gardner is perfect. A gardner by nature is someone that is nurturing. However, they are also very protective. Branches that have died need to be taken away so that they do not affect the entire plant. God does that for us. When we are willing to walk in Christ he will provide the nurturing guidance that will allow us to grow and to be fruitful. Even when we are being disciplined, it is to further our character and strengthen our faith. When we turn from Him and walk in darkness, we will be cast aside. I looked at this picture for awhile. Those are hearty grapes and there are a lot of them being supported by that vine. Christ is our vine and He can hold more than we think that he can.

I have the day off and I am diving into my homework so that I do not have to worry about it over the weekend. I am really learning so many amazing things. Our world is so complex. There are so many scientific procedures and absolutes to follow that it is amazing to me how anyone could think that this all was an accident. I am finding out a lot about indigenous people and their spiritual beliefs and it is amazing some of the similarities to one another and to Christianity, Buddhism and other religions. It just reinforces my personal beliefs in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit.

I am just really excited about some of the things that I am learning. I have a new respect for science and I am thankful that God is allowing me to finally understand some of the intricate ways that life is sustained within this world. How much we take for granted. Just the way that the wind blows, it is just amazing.

What is difficult to me right now, is that I cannot give anyone the feeling that I have right at this moment. To be able to see clearly the truth of how our world is connected and that with all the different cultures and belief systems there is one underlying presence that can not be ignored. Something created this amazing web of life that we are a part of. I will never look at life the same again. I will never live it the same again. There are so many levels of awareness in life and where I am at right now just brings me to tears. To see such a minute glimpse of who we are and to know that I will never be able to comprehend what is right in front of me. How could I ever hope to comprehend something to intimate as the workings of God?

Last night was amazing. I took a class at church called New Horizons 401. The class was designed to make people more comfortable sharing their faith and evangelizing to others about the Good New of Jesus Christ.

I am not afraid of talking about my faith, but I was nervous about talking to other people about their faith. Not anymore. I am really excited and ready to find out more about other people and to be a part of leading others to Christ.

1 Corinthians 9:22 ... I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. This verse went with the evangelism style that I have . Rather than Paul being confrontational with people, he made himself flexible to who they were in order to reach them. He talked to them in ways that they would understand. This is something that my mother taught me when I was younger. How to understand what other's needs were and to help them in the way they needed help, not how I thought they needed help.

We needed to tell another person what our story was on how we came to Christ. We cried and it was so moving. What really moved me was that I could have went through this life without Christ. How amazing is it to be a child of God. I want that for everyone that I come into contact with. May God give me direction and help me to spread the news of Christ and salvation.

This is my front yard. We only have a little bit of snow right now, but it was in the 20's..burrrrrr! There really is something special about the changing of seasons. The correlation between the seasons and the changes in our lives and our faith is fascinating to me. There are times of growth (Spring), times of prosperity (Summer), times of loss ( Autumn), and times of withdrawal (Winter). Have you experienced those times in your faith? I believe that all these seasons of faith are what help us to become mature Christians. We need to experience them all in order to really see how amazing God truly is.

One of the first snows. I just took this on my way home from getting balloons for Justin's (late) birthday party. To me, the best evidence of God is the sky. How the light shines through the clouds. There is nothing like it.

Last year a friend gave me a spiritual journal. I wasn't quite ready for it. So, this has been a great spring board for my writing. I am going to reuse the journal ( mainly because there are so many blank pages...lol ) and make a fresh start of writing my thoughts of the Lord daily. I wanted to share something from it though. Each day has a scripture and a quote from someone famous. I opened the book tonight to a special page. Two years ago a man that I loved took his life. He was a dear friend and it was a terrible loss for myself and my children. He was like a father to them. I opened the book to the date of his birthday. The quote on the day before is what I want to share.

" Engrave His words on your heart, putting his precepts into practice." Robert J. Morgan

To engrave something is to make a permanent mark. Everlasting. A reminder. What is it that you want to remember? What do you want to carry in your heart daily? Is it something from the world? Is it something from God? I think about that when I look at a magazine, or watch a movie. Are these images what I want in my mind? There is so much that we come in contact with during the course of a day that it seems impossible to escape the worldliness around us. There is hope. When we engrave our hearts with His word we are able to draw on that instead of worldly images. We are able to hold tight when it gets dark. To see the light of His word shining in our hearts and the hearts of others.

So, to my dear friend John, I am sorry that my light did not shine brighter when you needed me. I am sorry that I didn't offer the grace of God in your time of need. Just know that from now on I will show it to everyone and let them know that in the darkness of this world there is a light, a light that is true and pure. Thank you God for allowing me to walk in that darkness and to experience your mercy and grace in order to share it with others. In my weakness others will see your strength, and for that there is no greater joy.

Only for your kingdom. Praise be to God.